It’s hot. I want to get outside and find a pool of water, so today I’m not going to spend a lot of time crafting up a post about how my cats are whining for me to unzip their furry cat suits. Instead, I’m simply going to re-post something from SavvySugar that gave me a chuckle yesterday.
Hiring Managers Share Their Not-So-Fond Interview Memories. Click here to read full story.
It seems like every hiring manager I meet could write a novel of bizarre interview moments. My pals in charge of hiring recently shared their own memorable outtakes, and CareerBuilder rounded up responses from 43 interviewees that stood out in the minds of managers. Here are 10 that stuck with me most.
In response to “Do you have any questions?”:
- “What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work if it’s raining? Can you pick me up?”
- “What is your company’s policy on Monday absences?”
- “Can I get a tour of the breast pumping room? I heard you have a great one here and while I don’t plan on having children for at least 10 or 12 years, I will definitely breast feed and would want to use that room.”
In response to “Why do you want to work for us?”:
- “My old boss didn’t like me, so one day, I just left and never came back. And here I am!”
In response to “What are your assets?” (as in strengths):
See more memorable responses when you read more.
In response to “What are your weaknesses?”:
- “I had a job candidate tell me that she often oversleeps and has trouble getting out of bed in the morning.”
In response to “When have you demonstrated leadership skills?”:
- “Well my best example would be in the world of online video gaming. I pretty much run the show; it takes a lot to do that.”
In response to “Is there anything else I should know about you?”:
- “You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends.”
In response to “Use three adjectives to describe yourself”:
- “I hate questions like this.”
In response to “Have you submitted your two weeks’ notice to your current employer?”:
- “What is two weeks’ notice? I’ve never quit a job before, I’ve always been fired.”
Don’t panic! I’m still a lady of leisure which means that you will continue to read stories about my muffin top in house pants! However, a handful of LOL crew members are saying goodbye to unemployment. Within the last month, four people got jobs which means they get to wake up early, shower daily and collect a decent paycheck – congrats! I can’t remember what it’s like to shower daily, but having four less stinky people in the world wandering the streets in Snuggies has to be a good thing!
Anyway, one of the newly employed in our crew wrote a little piece about what she learned during unemployment and I thought I’d share it will all of you. Enjoy.
Goodbye Unemployment: A Valediction. I have been employed for about three weeks now and it looks like it is going to stick. So, I figured it’s time to officially bid adieu to unemployment, homage style. A-hem.
What I learned while unemployed
The lessons of unemployment were frustrating at times, but ultimately fruitful. It’s true that necessity is the mother of invention, and unemployment was nothing if not a season of mandatory ingenuity. I learned to reach for my library card instead of my debit card. I expressed shock and awe to find that the rubber stamp library of my youth was now a self-scanning, multimedia haven of ways to humor oneself. I learned that lo and behold, West Seattle wasn’t all stroller mommies and cycle dads, and that there were more than a few fun, young, fascinating single ladies like myself ready to paint Alki red at a moment’s notice. I learned that it would take three times longer to find a new job than I thought it would. I learned how much my fiance loves me when I had to lean on him for financial support. I learned there is no financial substitute for feel-good moments like the natural beauty of Lincoln Park, the adrenaline of a bike ride, or the endorphins from a great deep conversation with a close girlfriend. I learned nights in playing board games or going for a walk can be a lot more fun than a fancy dinner out, especially when it is somewhere snobby and overpriced like Saltys. On the flipside, I learned you don’t have to sacrifice style for budget (thanks Sazerac and Cafe Presse). I learned to actually use the stuff I had by learning more about the capabilities of my digital camera and my mac, rather than adding new bewildering technologies to my life. I learned to find lost treasures in my closet and create fresh styles from old clothes rather than purchase new things. I learned volunteering can be just as fancy and thrilling as going out (wooh ArtsWest). I learned that your life passion doesn’t have to be all-consuming, and that just because I quit my last job to write a book doesn’t mean I can’t do a new little job on the side. I learned that you don’t have to save yourself for the perfect job. Settle for a job that’s less-bad than your last one. Most importantly, I learned that you are not your job. Many employed people are just as miserable, listless and frustrated as unemployed people. And no matter what job you end up taking, you’re still you. It’s your friends, your family, your personality, and your hobbies that define you, not your working gig. Last of all, I learned that Coming to America never gets old. Never.
As many of you know, I’ve been sleeping like shit for several months now and I think I’ve finally reached full blown insomnia which is what I consider a late-stage side-effect of unemployment. I keep having the biggest brain farts and it seems my first language (uh…English, duh!) has actually become my second language. I’ve started calling my new first language the “language of insomniacs” and today I thought I’d post some tricks of the insomniac trade; a survival guide of sorts to help fellow insomniacs communicate in the waking world. And, for those of you who aren’t insomniacs (lucky bastards!), this guide might serve as a translation tool should you encounter an unemployed insomniac person who’s trying to speak, but you don’t know what the hell they are saying.
Overview. Insomnia makes it difficult to verbally articulate anything. Stringing sentences together so that it’s coherent is close to impossible and sometimes you completely use the wrong word in a sentence. For example, this weekend I said to my boyfriend “is the grill ready for refrigerator?” What the f*ck does that mean? So yeah, I do this kind of thing all the time now and I’ve decided that rather than beating myself up about feeling like a stupid dip-shit, now I’m just turning every brain fart into a game.
- The sentence above “is the grill ready for the refrigerator?” makes no sense UNLESS you’re playing a “word game” and then it makes perfect sense! I’m trying to tell my boyfriend that there’s something in the fridge that needs to go on the grill without telling him what that item is and now he needs to guess.
- Trouble stringing sentences together? No worries! If you speak a second language like Spanish or French, why don’t you try speaking your second language first! Maybe insomnia only impairs your ability to recall your first language. Now, if you are like me and don’t remember any of your high school Spanish unless you’re sauced in Mexico, then you’ll have to try something else. I have resorted to using sound effects and animations to try to get my point across! This has really become my new insomniac primary language and I call it “charades with a twist.”
- Misplaced items? If the coffee carafe ends up in the cupboard or the cereal box keeps ending up in the fridge, then you’ve got the makings of this fun insomniac game! I call it the “sleep deprivation scavenger hunt.” Just tell the human you live with that you’ve designed a scavenger hunt inside the house with various household items and when they find all the misplaced items, you will bake them cookies or something.
Well, I hope this was helpful. Doubt these tricks will work in a job interview, so it’s probably best to only play these games with friends and family. Oh…and if you find any typos in this post, they aren’t typos jerkface-person-who-sleeps-well! Remember, we’re playing a “word game!”
Seinfeld fans out there know what I’m talking about, but for those of you who don’t, watch the video clip below. Most days Seinfeld character, George Castanza, is overflowing with useless information except in this episode where George gets laid off and decides that he’s going to make this the “Summer of George.” That he’s really going to do something with this time off and he’s going to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down his chin.
Maybe we should all follow in the footsteps of George. Why not? We’ll never get this time back and the minute we step back into our employed lives (wherever that may be), we don’t want to be kicking ourselves saying “I wish I had done more with my time off.” It doesn’t mean we don’t still job hunt. It just means that we need to try to have a life outside the job-search and quit worrying the hell out of the day.
So what’s stopping you from making this YOUR “Summer of George?”
A-ha! I knew there was a positive reason to swear – read all about it! So, next time I’m in pain, I’m gonna use “expletive therapy” where you get to yell out a very long string of expletives to alleviate pain.
Hmm…maybe I should start an unemployment swearing circle for those of us suffering from mental pain…who’s in?
- Get a freaking tan. The sun is out (or was) and a good dose of Vitamin D will improve your mood. Men – your super white ass upper thighs need to see the sun for once in their life. Strap on a Speedo. Grab some SPF and head to the beach. Get creative with it. Own it. Flaunt it. Life’s short and what’s the worst that could happen? You burn your white thighs and someone may gawk? So what? When they start to gawk, walk up to them wearing “it” and ask them if they have any Grey Poupon? Why not? You’ll get a laugh. They’ll get a laugh. Everybody wins!
- Go on a vacation. Get out of town. Get away from the job-search, soul-search, date-search. You don’t have to spend a fortune. The goal is to shake up your ordinary routine. The routine that’s being forced and not responding to the pressure.
- Take a day hike during the middle of the week. Get in your car and drive 45 minutes east on I-90. There are a ton of day hikes with incredible vistas. Bring some Scooby snacks and enjoy the sights and sounds. Remember, your employed friends are enjoying the sites and sounds of cube farms across America. Weee!
- Have a BBQ party at noon on a Wednesday, even if it’s just with yourself.
- Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Wear that Speedo. Start that hobby. Take that drive. Make that call. Whatever “it” is might just be the thing that opens doors to the next big thing.