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I’ve moved my website

I’ve moved my website and will now be posting at So if you’d like to keep up on the haps of this lady of leisure, I suggest you add this new link to your favorites or your reader. Otherwise, you’re screwed and won’t be kept up to date on my muffin top reduction program, my house pants inventory for this Fall and other exciting stories from the land of unemployment.


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House pants neglect

I think my house pants are depressed. All this networking in W. Seattle with the other pink-slips has been fantastic – don’t get me wrong – it’s forcing socialization, adding structure to my day and giving me an opportunity to meet some really interesting and talented people.  But, I am a little concerned because last night I found 3 pairs of house pants hiding under my bed, curled up in a ball next to an empty container of chocolate pudding. I know my cats don’t normally drag my clothes under my bed – they could very well be responsible for the pudding container – but not the pants. Could my house pants be feeling neglected? 

I didn’t realize until last night just how much time I’ve spent OUT of my house pants this past week. Before the networking group started, I’d share an entire day with the same pair of house pants, or maybe two days! We’d wake up together, drink coffee together, job-search online together, watch Ellen together. Then at some point during the day, I might consider swapping my level 1-2 house pants for level 3-4 depending on what errands were on my list that day. But I rarely put jeans on or showered.

This week however, I’ve showered every single day, have worn jeans AND dress pants (despite the fact they had ants in them, I had no choice). I’ve been up before 8am…what the hell is happening to my LOL lifestyle? According to one of my pink-slip pals, “my actions are not keeping with the LOL principals and procedures” and that “I am setting a bad example for LOLs everywhere!” Oh dear. I hate to disappoint people and certainly don’t want my house pants to run out on me, so  this weekend I will spend some quality time with them. I might even fill up on Easter candy and give some attention to the muffin top, even though his position was eliminated earlier this week.


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Identity crisis

When you are laid off, you feel like a big loser and you start to have an identity crisis cuz you were “this”: 

“I am a creative marketing and PR pro with entrepreneurial instincts and proven ability to ramp up quickly and deliver results in a dynamic and ambiguous environment.”

And now you’re becoming a twisted version of your former self that looks a little like this:

“Maybe I am just a no talent ass clown of a loser?”

“HEY! Listen up – don’t talk about yourself like that! You were given a gift of time, remember? Now use this time to find the perfect career for you and make yourself happy!” 

“Who is that talking???? OMG – I totally have a split personality disorder! When did that develop? Is that why they gave me the pink-slip because my ‘otherside’ came out at the office?”

“No…that’s not what’s going on, silly. I am your inner critic, don’t freak out and start searching WedMD. You got as far as you could at Microsoft doing ‘that’ and while you were good at ‘that,’ you weren’t fulfilled. So why don’t you explore writing?”

“Oh, thank god! Ok, how about I start a blog? Yes! I will start a blog that will be about…hmm…living life as a laid off person…and it will make people laugh! Yes! God – I am SO brilliant and someone will take notice and want to hire me because I am fucking funny! Oh dear…”


“The stats on my blog are down. Damn-it. People don’t like me. Oh wait!!! They are up to 120 visitors today! Oh wait, now they are down to 12. God you loser, where’s that bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs?!? Wait, look at that!! 164 visitors from that posting on forcing socialization! Gosh, you are SO clever….you are MONEY baby!”

Somehow, this blog is shaping my new identity and I think my mood seems to be mirroring my blog stats. For the unemployed person who’s new to blogging and deprived of human contact, visitors to my blog equate to friends. 

Blog stats|Mood indicator

Blog stats|Mood indicator

Yes, we (the pink-slipped, jobless and hopeless) tend to get a little pathetic and that’s why I started writing this blog. I’ve noticed that my stats (friends) increase considerably when I post a story that’s self-deprecating in nature and void of anything really important. I know I am not the go-to blog for anything of great value and I am ok with that, as long as you keep coming back because you are slightly amused. And, all I ask of my “friends” in return is that if you are slightly amused by my blog, PLEASE SHARE MY BLOG WITH FRIENDS so I can have more friends. I am lonely and bored and every single day I am working for you! I keep a notepad handy so that when something slightly entertaining pops into my head or crosses my path, I write it down so I can share this useless and possibly funny story with you, my friends, for FREE!

So, it’s time to give back to me – the jobless who’s getting very sick of spending all this time with herself. I need volunteers to co-manage my new campaign – the “help Keri find the perfect job” campaign! Anyone? Anyone? If  you are interested in volunteering, please email me at [at] gmail [dot] com. More to come on the campaign later…

If you don’t want to help that’s fine too. Just be forewarned that one day you may hear a knock on your door and when you open it I will be there – unshowered, wearing house pants exploring the contents of my navel, gorging myself on chocolate and fiddling with my new friend, Mr. Muffin Top. Then, we’ll talk ;)


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