House pants: what they are and why you need them

Any good unemployed individual (or LOL) learns quickly how important it is to be comfortable. You spend hours on end each and every day surfing the Internet looking for jobs, emailing contacts, and Facebooking. A good part of the morning is probably spent with your laptop, sitting on your couch surfing away with The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN or Ellen blaring in the background. Or, you might choose to do your job search in the afternoon from a local coffee shop offering free wifi and possibly other unemployed humans for company. In either scenario, comfort is key and this is where house pants come in.

What are house pants? Comfortable pants you normally wear in your house, usually made up of some stretch fabric and possibly having a drawstring waist band. House pants are mostly worn by women, but I have known some men with house pants and it’s accepted by society and the LOL clubJ. What’s important to know about house pants is that apparently there are different levels, according to a graphic designer friend of mine. And, depending on their level determines whether or not it’s ok for you to wear them outside your house. Here’s how the levels breakdown:

Level 1 – 2: These pants are probably not meant for anyone’s eyes other than your own. They are probably what you would think of as PJs, most likely patterned; meant only to give you comfort while sleeping and sipping coffee, tea or wine from your couch when are alone or with someone who really likes you and has accepted you just as you are. They might be really big and at some point they turn into clown pants with knees blowing out requiring a wash/dry cycle to return them to their originals shape. Or, they could be scandalously form-fitting or cling too much to different body parts, showing things other people don’t want to see. If you still question whether or not your pants fall into this category, you should ask yourself if the UPS driver walked up and rang your bell, would you answer the door wearing these pants?

Level  3 – 4: These pants are ok for quick visits to the curb to drag the trash out or grab the mail, but they might also be ok for a run to the mini-mart or the local coffee shop for Joe-to-go (to go…means you are in and out, no lingering in these pants). These pants may show some wear and tear, but overall they are still presentable for the public, but only for brief drive-by scenarios.  

Level 5: These are your nicest pair of house pants. They don’t have any holes or discoloration; they aren’t misshaped in any way and you don’t look like a homeless person. These could be nice Nike workout or running pants or they could be nice cotton or polyester lounge pants. Or, they could even be your most comfortable pair of jean with stretch factor.

Well, I hope this was enlightening and if you have any question as to whether or not your house pants can go on a field trip outside your house, feel free to drop a comment and our community can help you decide.  BTW – I just did an inventory of my house and I have no level 5 house pants so seems that I have to go shopping – anyone who knows where to find the best deal on level 5 house pants, please let me know!



Filed under Life, Outfitting, Resources, Slightly amusing

38 responses to “House pants: what they are and why you need them

  1. I own all levels of house pants but prefer to cold kick it most often in level 3-4 as I often need to sprint to the curb to get the trash can to the curb or run to the store to pick up supplies. I do own one pair of level 1 pants. They are a tight fitting pair of blue fleesey pants that are also sufficiently old to have shrunk to high water status. When the occasional guest sees them they avert their eyes as their imagination of the pants are much better then the real McCoy.

  2. loladmin

    Right on! I need people to start posting photos of their house pants…in fact, maybe I will photograph mine tomorrow and we can have a house pants gallery!

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  23. Marian

    You are so funny! Enjoy this break in your life. Even though you were laid off from your job, you are opening up your life to all kinds of possibilities. God is looking out for you. He will protect you and touch your life with goodness. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Rock on, rock on, rock on!

  24. Laura

    I have house pants in all levels, but there is also a sub-zero is my giant bath towel! I get up like I might be motivated to get more rejection letters in my email. I take a shower and then rather than dress at all, I wrap in my bath sheet and sit in front of the computer to start my daily search for work that pays better than minimum wage and doesn’t require me to work nights, sometimes this search takes many more hours than it should…the towel is comforting in some way. I can cry into it when I am feeling rejected, or I can let it slip off and feel free and cool in the warm weather spells we sometimes get. Sometimes I take my shower at night and I even sleep with my towel! I have been unemployed since February

  25. Robert

    sometimes i have to put on my “out of house” pants in order to get anything done with my job search. for some reason my house pants give me an uncontrollable urge to either lay on the couch and watch tv or play video games until my head hurts.

  26. mango

    “anyone who knows where to find the best deal on level 5 house pants, please let me know!”: you’re kidding, right? Goodwill, of course. (A) we’re unemployed. (B) level 5 or not, they’re still HOUSE pants. (thx for the entertainment! most fun I’ve had since my job ended in April.)

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  30. hi,really nice pants,do you know where i can find that.thanks,bill

  31. bathroom towels should be maintained with a good fabric conditioner so that they will last longer ‘-*

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  33. Stan

    I work at an international airport and we see
    way too many (grown) people wearing some
    of the most hideous (house pants). These
    types of clothing look very tasteless and unclean. There should be a strict dress code attached to all clothing that should not be worn
    out in the public.

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