An insomniac’s guide to communication

As many of you know, I’ve been sleeping like shit for several months now and I think I’ve finally reached full blown insomnia which is what I consider a late-stage side-effect of unemployment. I keep having the biggest brain farts and it seems my first language (uh…English, duh!) has actually become my second language. I’ve started calling my new first language the “language of insomniacs” and today I thought I’d post some tricks of the insomniac trade; a survival guide of sorts to help fellow insomniacs communicate in the waking world. And, for those of you who aren’t insomniacs (lucky bastards!), this guide might serve as a translation tool should you encounter an unemployed insomniac person who’s trying to speak, but you don’t know what the hell they are saying. 

Overview. Insomnia makes it difficult to verbally articulate anything. Stringing sentences together so that it’s coherent is close to impossible and sometimes you completely use the wrong word in a sentence. For example, this weekend I said to my boyfriend “is the grill ready for refrigerator?” What the f*ck does that mean? So yeah, I do this kind of thing all the time now and I’ve decided that rather than beating myself up about feeling like a stupid dip-shit, now I’m just turning every brain fart into a game.  

  1. The sentence above  “is the grill ready for the refrigerator?” makes no sense UNLESS you’re playing a “word game” and then it makes perfect sense! I’m trying to tell my boyfriend that there’s something in the fridge that needs to go on the grill without telling him what that item is and now he needs to guess.
  2. Trouble stringing sentences together? No worries! If you speak a second language like Spanish or French, why don’t you try speaking your second language first!  Maybe insomnia only impairs your ability to recall your first language. Now, if you are like me and don’t remember any of your high school Spanish unless you’re sauced in Mexico, then you’ll have to try something else. I have resorted to using sound effects and animations to try to get my point across! This has really become my new insomniac primary language and I call it “charades with a twist.” 
  3. Misplaced items? If the coffee carafe ends up in the cupboard or the cereal box keeps ending up in the fridge, then you’ve got the makings of this fun insomniac game! I call it the “sleep deprivation scavenger hunt.” Just tell the human you live with that you’ve designed a scavenger hunt inside the house with various household items and when they find all the misplaced items, you will bake them cookies or something.

Well, I hope this was helpful.  Doubt these tricks will work in a job interview, so it’s probably best to only play these games with friends and family. Oh…and if you find any typos in this post, they aren’t typos jerkface-person-who-sleeps-well! Remember, we’re playing a “word game!”

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7 Comments

Filed under Mental Health, Sleep trouble, Slightly amusing

7 responses to “An insomniac’s guide to communication

  1. sleephealth

    LOL! Very entertaining post. Too bad it was due to your insomnia that you were able to write something funny like this! Interesting how you can type in fluent English, yet when you try to speak it… there are ‘complications’ hehe!

    I used to have trouble sleeping, but I recently was able to overcome my sleep problem after evaluating my situation and making some changes. I started writing a blog with my research and advice on how to get some sleep. Check it out if you’ve got time! Thanks! 🙂

  2. napoland

    Yep, I’ve done the coffee carafe thing as well. Even put my wallet in the refrigerator the other day.

  3. You poor soul. Try biking/running/something athletic/gym during the day so you’ll be worn out to sleep at night. That and any of those cold meds that say “night” on them can’t hurt once in a while either.
    P.S. Love your games. Hehe if I’m ever that bad off, I’ll be sure and use ’em.
    Cheers.

  4. Nick II

    sleephealth, you don’t realize how long it took her to *write* that blog entry today… the backspace key rulez! 😉

    Keri, the worst thing is when you are trying to fix your resume after insomnia. A few days later you discover you have a PhD in feline dentistry.

  5. Gerard

    I have recently found this blog – thank you seattle times (never thought I’d say that).

    Out of work going on 15 months. Almost 45. Hope dwindles. But at least I can laugh with you all.

  6. MADM

    Keri, you’re a blast. I tend to make this vocalization that can only be spelled avshya avshya avshya when I lose the ability to remember my native tongue. Luckily my bf surprisingly seems to understand what the hell I mean.

    Sleep deprived? Yeah, been there too. Found my keys in the vegetable bin not too long ago and was asked just last week if the fridge was where we were keeping the plastic wrap these days.

    Sucks to not sleep or worse yet, finally drop off about 4:30am only to wake around noon having wasted most of the day & thereby perpetuating the whole not sleeping thing.

    Love your blog. Keep up the good work, kid.

  7. Peter Tutak

    I’ve been out of work for three months, now, and the insomnia has started to hit recently. So, I took a lemon and made lemonade (kind of). I use the time to start writing music (been a musician for 40 years, but always a performer, never a writer). When I toss and turn, I get up, pad down to the garage, sit in front of the electric piano, and noodle around until something credible comes up. When it does, I write it down. I go back to bed with a weird feeling of accomplishment.

    BTW, I have to say your blog has been a blessing to read over the past few months. Great work, and keep it up. Even if you do find work.

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