Category Archives: Outfitting

Do you need a Snuggie?

I realize it’s a little hot yet to be making these kinds of decisions, but Fall clothing lines are already hitting stores so you may want to ask yourself if your wardrobe this Fall should include a Snuggie? The chart below might help you decide.  And, if  you’re still on the fence, maybe having a canine partner in crime sporting the same Snuggiefied look will help! Recently released – Snuggies for doggies! I can’t wait for the next Seattle Snuggie Pub Crawl. Who’s in?

Snuggie Graph

Snuggie Graph

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Filed under Outfitting, Slightly amusing

Shudda bought the gorilla costume

This past weekend I went to explore the West Seattle garage sale for a bit with a fellow LOL team member and after feeling like Crabby Craberson most of today, now I’m super pissed that I didn’t buy that $75 full body gorilla costume I found. Why? Because on days like today, when nothing seems to make me feel better, it’s things like the gorilla costume that would come in handy. Think about all the things you could do with a gorilla costume, especially when unemployed:

  1. Just look at it hanging on your door and think to yourself “my god, what has unemployment done to me?” Then put it on and chase your cats around the house.
  2. Put it on and affix a sign around your neck that says “pink-slipped gorilla for hire.” Then get in your car, drive to the nearest grocery store and wander around offering to help people with their grocery shopping, yard work, and dog walking for a small fee.
  3. Put it on and affix a new sign around your neck that says “pink-slipped guerrilla marketer for hire.” Drive to the water taxi, jump off and wander around downtown not saying a word. Just hand out your resume. 
  4. Put it on and affix yet another sign around your neck that says “photos with a gorilla, $5” and see how much money you can make.
  5. Try wearing the costume to bed. Then, when you get up to go pee and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you will either freak out and try to karate-chop yourself or start laughing. You might even do both, which is fine because both are funny.

Yes, I know that I am strange. But, if you keep coming back to this blog then it’s apparent that you like strange people and that’s likely because you’ve come to the realization that normal people are boring and life’s too damn serious.

Ok, enough. Off to chase the sun  – I think it crept out from behind all those gray clouds so if you are behind a desk, sitting in an office without windows, it’s time for your afternoon coffee break! 

P.S. If you want to donate $75 to me so that I can buy the gorilla costume, that would be super. I really do want it, but as an unemployed person it didn’t seem like a must have item. I hope it’s still available!

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Filed under Life, Outfitting, Sanity tips, Slightly amusing

Branding the unemployed

Thank god the pink-slip fashion police weren’t patrolling my neighborhood this morning or I would’ve been ticketed. I was sleeping off  the Advil PM when I woke to the sound of the garbage truck. As I was yelling “shit” (and likely other profanities), I jumped out of bed, ran to the back door and slid into my red gardening clogs. There I went, rushing down the driveway, trash can in tow, towards the curb wearing my level 1 pin-stripe house pants with blown out knees.

Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve broken the LOL club member rules relating to house pants and trash duty. In fact, I do this pretty regularly and I have received looks from a couple neighbors (that don’t yet know I am jobless ) and I know what they’re thinking as they climb into their car on their way to work  “Wow, look at that. Doesn’t she know she looks like shit?”

I am not the only jobless person who’s considered wearing a sign in order to explain why we don’t always look put together. Newsweek just did a feature on a pink-slipped father who’s not only emasculated by the fact that his wife is now bringing home the bacon while he plays Mr. Mom, but what’s worse is that when he drops his kids off at school he’s receiving strange looks from all the mothers in the other cars. And he’s sick of it and wants to make things easier for everyone to understand by stitching a “Scarlet U” on his clothing.

One new reader reported yesterday that she’s wearing a different type of branding and says that “people actually recoil in horror” after learning she’s joined the “masses of the unemployed”  as if she’s “contracted some kind of  laid-off leprosy.” She also seems to be wearing a second sign, a “Scarlet B” because she came from two of the industries responsible for taking down our economy, never mind the fact that she was on the commercial side, her potential employers don’t seem to care.

“Laid-off Leprosy”  reader, this post is dedicated to you. Today is the day that you trade in your old signs for something new. An LOL sign is a badge of honor and a slightly more positive spin on a really shitty situation. Best of luck to you.

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Filed under Economy, Layoffs, Life, Outfitting, Slightly amusing

House pants: what they are and why you need them

Any good unemployed individual (or LOL) learns quickly how important it is to be comfortable. You spend hours on end each and every day surfing the Internet looking for jobs, emailing contacts, and Facebooking. A good part of the morning is probably spent with your laptop, sitting on your couch surfing away with The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN or Ellen blaring in the background. Or, you might choose to do your job search in the afternoon from a local coffee shop offering free wifi and possibly other unemployed humans for company. In either scenario, comfort is key and this is where house pants come in.

What are house pants? Comfortable pants you normally wear in your house, usually made up of some stretch fabric and possibly having a drawstring waist band. House pants are mostly worn by women, but I have known some men with house pants and it’s accepted by society and the LOL clubJ. What’s important to know about house pants is that apparently there are different levels, according to a graphic designer friend of mine. And, depending on their level determines whether or not it’s ok for you to wear them outside your house. Here’s how the levels breakdown:

Level 1 – 2: These pants are probably not meant for anyone’s eyes other than your own. They are probably what you would think of as PJs, most likely patterned; meant only to give you comfort while sleeping and sipping coffee, tea or wine from your couch when are alone or with someone who really likes you and has accepted you just as you are. They might be really big and at some point they turn into clown pants with knees blowing out requiring a wash/dry cycle to return them to their originals shape. Or, they could be scandalously form-fitting or cling too much to different body parts, showing things other people don’t want to see. If you still question whether or not your pants fall into this category, you should ask yourself if the UPS driver walked up and rang your bell, would you answer the door wearing these pants?

Level  3 – 4: These pants are ok for quick visits to the curb to drag the trash out or grab the mail, but they might also be ok for a run to the mini-mart or the local coffee shop for Joe-to-go (to go…means you are in and out, no lingering in these pants). These pants may show some wear and tear, but overall they are still presentable for the public, but only for brief drive-by scenarios.  

Level 5: These are your nicest pair of house pants. They don’t have any holes or discoloration; they aren’t misshaped in any way and you don’t look like a homeless person. These could be nice Nike workout or running pants or they could be nice cotton or polyester lounge pants. Or, they could even be your most comfortable pair of jean with stretch factor.

Well, I hope this was enlightening and if you have any question as to whether or not your house pants can go on a field trip outside your house, feel free to drop a comment and our community can help you decide.  BTW – I just did an inventory of my house and I have no level 5 house pants so seems that I have to go shopping – anyone who knows where to find the best deal on level 5 house pants, please let me know!

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Filed under Life, Outfitting, Resources, Slightly amusing