Tag Archives: pink-slip

I’m fucked. I’m fine. The unemployment mood tracker

Today I thought it would be fun to chart my moods swings over the past several months of unemployment.  As you can see from the below, it’s been very up and down, but upon closer analysis I’ve actually uncovered some interesting tidbits. 

The "I'm Fine. I'm Fucked" Unemployment Mood Tracker

  1. My insomnia started when I was in my “fuck-you pink-slip” high phase, which as it turns out was likely fueled by high levels of cortisol running through my body. How did I know my cortisol was crazy? Well, there was the obvious physical evidence (a flourishing muffin top), but to rule out ice cream consumption as the main cause of the muffin top growth spurt, my chiropractor suggested I take a saliva stress test to measure biochemical imbalances. As it turns out, my cortisol levels were three times higher than normal at bedtime, which explains my inability to sleep. No sleep exacerbates anxiety. Anxiety means cortisol. Cortisol and ice cream feeds the muffin top that in turn gets me all hopped up on shitty foods (and caffeine) that prevent sleep. Wee…what a fun cycle!! My naturopath, who interpreted the results of the stress test, used words like “adrenal fatigue” and “pre-diabetic conditions” so now I’m in the process of making a complete lifestyle change (diet, exercise, meditation, etc.) because the alternative doesn’t sound pleasant.
  2. The chart also indicates that despite efforts to reduce cortisol levels the past two months by using the natural remedies above (which are slow), maybe the best medicine came in the form of actually make a decision about my future.  Could all this soul-searching over the summer have been more stressful than getting a pink-slip or having a job that I didn’t enjoy? All signs point to yes.
  3. And finally, did switching to decaf actually improve my ability to make a decision about the direction of my future? I don’t have any scientific evidence that this is the case, but I can’t help but think it did. Caffeine is known to feed anxiety and when you’re sleep deprived and anxious, making an informed and rational decision is close to impossible. Instead, you seek solace in ice cream. 

Well, there’s the recap of  the “summer of Keri.” Wasn’t that a fun ride?

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Filed under Diet, Health and Exercise, Mental Health, Sleep trouble

Trading house pants for hair nets

Today, ten of us pink-slippers traded our house pants for hair nets and headed up north to volunteer with Food Lifeline. Together, with another group from the Youth Volunteer Corp, we repackaged 1,380 lbs of bulk Rice Krispies in three hours providing 1,078 meals! It was a very rewarding morning and we had SUCH a blast! A big thank you to staff at Food Lifeline for making it all possible. The pink-slips will be back!

Food Lifeline is also hiring so be sure to check out their website for job openings!

Pretty yellow images below. No wise cracks people – I know I forgot to adjust my camera for fluorescent lighting! Doh!

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Spotted: pink-slips having fun

Here’s photo evidence of what can happen when you let pink-slipped unemployed people run wild with cameras in downtown Seattle on a bright sunny day. We’ll kidnap willing tourists, make friends with strangers, find peace in gum and have a lot of fun. Damn it sucks to be in the LOL crew!

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Filed under Entertainment, Life, Sanity tips

Sending Mr. Should packing

I hate Mr. Should. He’s the one that says “you should take the first job that comes along” and then applies duct tape to the mouth of other voice inside you that says  “despite the fact that this job might bore you to death or suck out your soul.” Mr. Should plays it safe. He doesn’t take risks. He doesn’t rock the boat. He’s a simple character that likes order and likes linear thinking. He doesn’t have access to his internal guidance system. Mr. Should is a dream-killer who uses fear and guilt to keep you in line.

Now there are times when Mr. Should knows what the hell he’s talking about. For example, I know that I shouldn’t go rob a bank or kill someone. Duh. Those actions are wrong and come with some pretty significant consequences. But when it comes to the job-search, I think Mr. Should should shut the hell up so one can hear the other voice speak. But right now, I can’t hear anything but “should, should, should” and it’s starting to piss me off.

So, despite the fact that my savings is dwindling, I’m about to do something that’s going to make Mr. Should’s skin crawl. Why? Because getting a pink-slip sucked. Searching for a job sucks. Rejection sucks. And it’s time to treat myself to something that doesn’t suck. A vacation. Yes, I am aware of Mr. Shoulds list of consequences, but in my mind the worst thing that could happen is that I blow some money and the best thing that can happen is that the change of scenery might just clear the fog off my windshield so that I can see where I am going. I’m hoping that this reprieve will bring some clarity to my career search and ultimately help me articulate my dream.

For one week, I will not blog and I will not wear house pants. Instead, I will be in shorts on vacation with my muffin top dreaming about the possibilities of my future career. A reminder for all who are unemployed from my friend LadySlipper who so eloquently stated that “you are unemployed, not a convicted felon who’s not allowed to leave the premises.”  Sometimes, you just have to get out, so do it.

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Code of conduct for the unemployed

Any good organization has a code of conduct or set of rules outlining the proper practices or responsibilities of an individual or an organization. So, I came up with my own set of rules for Lords and Ladies of Leisure to ensure that we as a team or as individuals live up to the mission of this organization – to force socialization, encourage laughter and support each other as we travel through unemployment land together. Pink-slips unite!

Guiding principles

a)      Find jobs through networking, online, or stalking – whatever technique will drum up the most qualified leads

b)      Apply for these jobs

c)       Wait for employers to call or email you about these jobs

d)      Hopefully interview for jobs

e)      Wait some more

f)        After you’ve grown tired of waiting, plan on doing something you enjoy because if you enjoy looking for a job then you need to find a life outside of job-hunting my friend.

g)      Oh yeah and attend one training a month at the WorkSource unemployment office so that you don’t get “flagged” in the system.  Remember – it counts as one job-search activity despite the fact that you don’t actually leave with any useful information. For fun, you might consider dragging a fellow LOL along for the ride so it’s less painful.

 

Code of conduct for group interaction

a)     Treat fellow Lords and Ladies of Leisure with respect.

b)     Don’t judge someone if they wear house pants or have a muffin top.

c)      Check your anger or negative attitudes at the door.

d)     Don’t be jerk and blame race, religion, creed or gender for your unemployment situation.

e)     Don’t dwell on the past; have a vision for where you see yourself working in the future.

f)       Share ideas, laugh a lot and have fun.

g)     Give back to the community as an individual or a group whenever possible. 

Outfitting the unemployed

a)     Most days should be spent wearing house pants; whatever level (1-5) works with your daily agenda (stick to the house pants guidelines though!).

b)     It’s ok if you own a Snuggie; just don’t wear it outside the house.

c)      Have one interview outfit dry cleaned, pressed and ready to roll.

d)     Hats and Psssssst dry shampoo are quick solutions for bed head or greasy hair.

Behavioral standards

a)     Don’t get out of bed early unless you have to. A “have to” is an activity that might get you a job. If it doesn’t get you a job, then it can wait.

b)     Showering daily is optional, especially if you are still in PJs at 3pm.

c)      Nap often.

d)     Force socialization at least 3 times a week.

e)     Feed and exercise your muffin top.

f)       Exercise your house pants.

g)     Compulsively clean, organize or disinfect your house.

h)     Work on home improvements if you’re handy.

i)       Talking to yourself, your cat, your dog, squirrels is normal – whatever you need to do so you don’t feel alone is fine.

j)       Throw yourself into your hobbies or volunteering.

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Filed under Life, Resources, Slightly amusing

Pink-slipped muffin top holds former employer hostage

Despite my efforts to give my muffin top his seasonal pink-slip last week, he hasn’t left his position above my waistband. In fact, he’s actually doing everything he can to defy Keri Corporations orders to enlist in the mandatory Muffin Top Reduction Program training. Here’s the news story.

As you might recall, Friday CEO and founder of Keri Corporation found three pairs of house pants under her bed with an empty cup of pudding, a situation that was quickly dismissed as “simply an emotional reaction brought on by house pants neglect.” However, new evidence suggests that this activity was just the first phase of a three-pronged approach to destroy Keri Corporation’s plans to force mandatory Muffin Top Reduction Program training.

After the CEO closed up shop on Friday evening, former employee Mr. Muffin Top hijacked the owner’s immune system forcing her into her house pants for the entire weekend. On Easter morning, Mr. Muffin Top then hijacked an Easter basket full of salted almonds and chocolate candy and headed for the home of her former employer. For the next four days,  the immune challenged CEO was held hostage in her own home and force fed chocolate and salted almonds by evil Mr. Muffin Top and her collection of house pants. No one, except her cats, could hear her cries for help as they were being muffled by Hershey’s chocolate bunnies and Cadbury Mini Eggs.

Finally today around 1pm, a neighbor spotted a suspicious looking Muffin Top walking out of the CEO’s house arm in leg with a pair of house pants, so she quickly called the police. Authorities found the CEO alive wearing house pants in a bed covered with Easter candy wrappers, a scene that can only be described as pure gluttony. While there is a ton of evidence of foul play, the CEO isn’t going to press charges against the former employee and is temporarily putting the Muffin Top Reduction Program training on hold.

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Filed under Life, Slightly amusing

The Upside of Unemployment

Guest Post from “Ladyslipper”
 
 Hey Pink Slips,
 
This is Ladyslipper, Keri’s left-hand gal and one of the Pink Slip Mothership. Like many of you I’m sure, this week (my birthday week) I have been rejected by a stunning number of jobs for which I was most certifiably qualified. And it stings like a b-word, I have to tell you. So, in an attempt to perform reverse psychology on myself and hopefully on some of you, I am warding off a creeping house pants coma by writing this post on the Upside of Unemployment. Yes, there is one!  Read on to see the rosy side of being pink slipped.
 
 1)   You get to be a fair-weather friend. I cannot count on two hands how many times I have performed the grim commute over the West Seattle bridge, staring like a dog with its nose pressed against the window as I watched a beautiful blue sunny day erupt over Alki while I drove off for day number 1547 in Corporatopia. Now, when the sun is out, you better believe I am dropping everything (aka my remote), throwing my hair in a scraggly bohemian topknot, and hurling myself down to Alki for some long overdue sun worshipping. Bearing my pale corporate never- seen-the-light-of-day belly to those milky rays is a paycheck in itself, I say! And if I burn a lovely shade of Pink Slip pink, even better. Conversely, if I hear that thunderous crackle of rain when I wake in the morning, I simply turn right back over and go back to sleep thinking “Hey, that Costco trip can wait until tomorrow.” No biggie! After years after rain, hail, sleet, snow schlepping, it sure is nice to be as fickle and carefree as Seattle snow in April.
 
2)   Free time, that mythical unicorn. It is not until you become unemployed that you even allow yourself to contemplate something as elusive as free time. Now that I’m a Pink Slipper, I have time to do everything. I have time to clean the house, I have time to work out, I have time for errands, and I have hours to spend just laughing and talking at a coffee shop with my fellow Pink Slippers. When I meet an employed friend at Pike Place on her fifteen-minute lunch break, I can spend hours afterward just people watching and roaming the market without anyone to answer to. Relishing life, living in the moment, and having a good long deep conversation without having to constantly check your watch are just a few of the fanciful freedoms that come with being unemployed.
 
3)   Finally getting to attend all those happy hours. As a Pink Slipper, you finally get to attend all those events specifically designed to evade the average person’s schedule. You can make the four o’clock happy hour, and you can make the ten o’clock one too. You can beat the Greenlake crowds by going in the middle of the week, and you can actually find a parking spot at Trader Joe’s because you’re free at 9 a.m. on a Thursday. Being a Pink Slip is a key to a less chaotic city, one without crowds, parking spot battles, and hour waits for tables. We are all VIPS (Very Important Pink Slip), so get out there and savor the serenity!
 
4)   A chance to excel in non work-stuff. Being unemployed has the blessing-in-disguise effect of forcing you to focus on all the other aspects of your life besides work. Now that I’m unemployed, I’m finally taking the time to cook healthy foods and go to the gym regularly. I am writing a novel. I am taking better care of the home.  I am planning fun vacations. I am getting married. I am realizing there is soooo much more to life than a desk and a phone with hideous echo reception. My life is fresher, fuller, and richer, a blessed reprieve from those last despairing months of work.
 
 5)   NEW PEEPS. If there is one thing I hated about being employed, it was getting stuck in a social rut. Day in and day out, I’d see the same people, go to the same bars after work and have the same bitchfest about my boss and fellow employees. It got to the point where I really only socialized with other colleagues and I never met new people, didn’t really have the energy for it. Now, I have a whole fabulous new group of ladies whose friendship I know I will carry on even after I am gainfully employed someday. To Keri and the Pink Slip Mothership, you are my favorite perk of all:)

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