Tag Archives: snuggie

Goodbye unemployment

Don’t panic! I’m still a lady of leisure which means that you will continue to read stories about my muffin top in house pants! However, a handful of LOL crew members are saying goodbye to unemployment. Within the last month, four people got jobs which means they get to wake up early, shower daily and collect a decent paycheck – congrats! I can’t remember what it’s like to shower daily, but having four less stinky people in the world wandering the streets in Snuggies has to be a good thing!

Anyway, one of the newly employed in our crew wrote a little piece about what she learned during unemployment and I thought I’d share it will all of you. Enjoy.

Goodbye Unemployment: A Valediction. I have been employed for about three weeks now and it looks like it is going to stick. So, I figured it’s time to officially bid adieu to unemployment, homage style. A-hem.

What I learned while unemployed

The lessons of unemployment were frustrating at times, but ultimately fruitful. It’s true that necessity is the mother of invention, and unemployment was nothing if not a season of mandatory ingenuity. I learned to reach for my library card instead of my debit card. I expressed shock and awe to find that the rubber stamp library of my youth was now a self-scanning, multimedia haven of ways to humor oneself. I learned that lo and behold, West Seattle wasn’t all stroller mommies and cycle dads, and that there were more than a few fun, young, fascinating single ladies like myself ready to paint Alki red at a moment’s notice. I learned that it would take three times longer to find a new job than I thought it would. I learned how much my fiance loves me when I had to lean on him for financial support. I learned there is no financial substitute for feel-good moments like the natural beauty of Lincoln Park, the adrenaline of a bike ride, or the endorphins from a great deep conversation with a close girlfriend. I learned nights in playing board games or going for a walk can be a lot more fun than a fancy dinner out, especially when it is somewhere snobby and overpriced like Saltys. On the flipside, I learned you don’t have to sacrifice style for budget (thanks Sazerac and Cafe Presse). I learned to actually use the stuff I had by learning more about the capabilities of my digital camera and my mac, rather than adding new bewildering technologies to my life. I learned to find lost treasures in my closet and create fresh styles from old clothes rather than purchase new things. I learned volunteering can be just as fancy and thrilling as going out (wooh ArtsWest). I learned that your life passion doesn’t have to be all-consuming, and that just because I quit my last job to write a book doesn’t mean I can’t do a new little job on the side. I learned that you don’t have to save yourself for the perfect job. Settle for a job that’s less-bad than your last one. Most importantly, I learned that you are not your job. Many employed people are just as miserable, listless and frustrated as unemployed people. And no matter what job you end up taking, you’re still you. It’s your friends, your family, your personality, and your hobbies that define you, not your working gig. Last of all, I learned that Coming to America never gets old. Never.

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under Life, Random thoughts

5 steps to forced socialization

What is it? It’s exactly what it says – forcing yourself to get out of the house and interact with other humans vs. sitting inside all day feeling like an unemployed loser. Here are the steps to making that happen:

  1. You start by peeling yourself out of the fleece Snuggie. While it is very cozy, you cannot leave your house wearing that thing or you will find it difficult to make friends. They may think you are an escapee from an insane asylum and that’s bad.
  2. Choose to actually WASH your hair. Don’t just throw on a hat or spritz your hair with a dry shampoo like Psssssst to cover up the 2-day grease. Be considerate to the people you are about to run into and remember – you are trying to blend in like the other employed humans who wash their hair frequently.
  3. Choose to put on a pair of level 5 house pants or higher. Higher than level 5 would be jeans, but if you no longer fit into those because parts of you have tripled in size during unemployment, then level 5 house pants are acceptable for public consumption. Also note that when when you are wearing this caliber of house pants or higher, you can also pretend that you are simply running errands on your “day off” before heading to the gym like any other employed person would do. You are a very efficient multi-tasker and people with these skills are usually employable!
  4. Very important – brush your teeth people – do not just pop in a piece of gum! While your animals may enjoy your filth, this is a socialization effort and therefore you must try to blend in if you want to make human contact!  
  5. And finally, equip yourself with things to make you appear very busy just in case your forced socialization efforts fail and you are rejected by these humans. At all times, you should probably be packin’ at least two of the following items: PDA, MP3 player, laptop, book, newspaper, pen and paper, and cell phone.

Hope you found this helpful. I must give props to a good friend of mine, a Croatian goddess, herself a victim of this declining economy, who coined the phrase “forced socialization” and told me about “Psssssst” dry shampoo.

10 Comments

Filed under Life, Resources, Sanity tips, Slightly amusing

Have house pants will travel

It’s been a few days since my last blog post so I should apologize to my followers – albeit a very small group – who might be experiencing LOL deprivation or knowing what the lady of leisure is up to each day.

I packed up my house pants and headed south, hoping for a blast of sunshine and some quality cycling time with my sister. But, seems Mother Nature had other plans for me so instead I get to stay inside all day sitting at her kitchen counter watching the torrential downpour of sideways rain! There’s also no high speed Internet so it’s forcing me to unplug, which is long overdue post layoff.

So, what am I doing with my days? I am only on Day 1, but last night I was fully entertained by my sister’s dog Ginger – a Jack Russell – who actually watches TV. She sits there, head tilted, ears up, eyes transfixed on the tube and if there are animals on screen, she’s goes ballistic. Jumps up and down, barking and scratching at the screen trying to get in on the animal action – its hilarious. My sister also tells me that Ginger attacks the window wipers from inside the car so maybe she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but hell its great human entertainment!

Last night, I was also introduced to something called a Snuggie, which is basically a fleece blanket with arms. While it is probably something you laugh at when you see it in Skymall Magazine, it’s really quite cozy and practical and it’s being added to my lady of leisurewear collection. You wait – once you see the photos – you will want one!

Ok, off to drink wine and make dinner with my sister. Enjoy your night and I will hopefully be back online again at some point tomorrow.

2 Comments

Filed under Life, Random thoughts